Personal essay - revised version (1)

In the Right Place, on the Track

12v3 101039 Da Yeon Ryoo

     A speck of dust on my desk will be enough to get me going. Cookie crumbs on the floor will immediately put a broom in my hand. Always after visiting someplace, a long and good shower is needed for me to feel comfortable again.

I am a cleaning-addict.

     There is a rule I have for cleaning: I believe there is a right place for every object to belong. When I clean, I put those objects in their places – it’s as simple and easy as that. Books are organized by height and cosmetics according to use. The closet is tidied color wise, starting from reddish clothes to blackish ones. And when certain things are out of their original spots, I get uneasy feelings until I clean them up.

Why am I so obsessed with getting things neat? Well, I believe it’s because of the time when I was in middle school. Back then, I was uncontrollable. I rejected all the rules that came upon me and rebelled to the authorities trying to settle me down. I had my own way of acting and that way was “no way.” I slept during classes and when I was not, I read comic books or sent text messages to my boyfriend. I befriended the school bullies and took part in their activities such as carving swear words all over the school and harassing those kids who looked nerdy. I did not know where I was heading to in my future. I did not have much thought.

But then I had a huge ugly fight with my parents. They were unhappy about me having a boyfriend and hiding it away from them. They did not want me to continue dating him because he was too old for me and also because I had to serve my duties as a student. I plugged my ears while standing in front of them and yelled at them that I did not care. I yelled that I am going to do want I want to do and that only. Then the most heartbreaking incident even until now happened. They cried.

I could not sleep that night. I had to think about what went wrong with me, from when and how. I thought of the reckless actions I did for the past years. I thought about my parents’ tears. It was the first time they cried in front of me. Then I realized that I had nothing inside me to judge myself upon. I was lacking the order and rules. And I needed them. I decided that night that I am going to make rules for myself.

     The first priority that I put was studying. My grades were abysmal and they had to be saved badly. I started to regard classes seriously and I never slept in class again. I previewed and reviewed the text until I understood it completely. I set a goal, too. I wanted, for the first time in my life, to be one of the top ten students in the school. Although it seemed impossible, the thought of being in that place kept me going. My grades sky-rocketed and the people around me started to see me differently.

     My next big step was to make a lot of friends. While keeping in good relationship with my formal bad-buddies, I tried hard to talk to other students that I previously never even looked at. I asked them questions about the class and I offered them to eat lunch with me. It did not work out that well, actually, regarding all the horrible things I did to them before. However, I at least succeeded in showing them that I was a different person.

     Around this time I started cleaning because I learned how much tidying and keeping things in order can improve me. I found out the right place for me and it was time to find the right places for the things surrounding me so that I would never let myself down and messy again. I was on my track and until now I am running on it as vibrantly as ever.